1) How can a show that is so obviously ripping off two of the best shows on television be so excruciatingly awful?!?

2) I went a litle crazy at Ann Taylor Loft today. But everything in the store was 25% off!!! How could I help myself?!?

3) I finally tried the coconut milk-based ice cream that everyone in vegan blogland has been raving about as of late. I wasn't so thrilled (sound familiar?). It's oversweetened to the point of tasting artificially sweetened (which it isn't!), and has a hint of something that tastes suspiciously like almond extract, which I cannot stand. Plus, for something that seems a little thin and watery, and not so rich and thick, it has a lot of fat. I'll stick to my rice milk-based ice cream, thankyouverymuch.

4) Michael Symon is so badass and so cute, even though he has that goofy Midwestern accent.

5) Due to circumstances far, far beyond my control, we have no peanut butter in the house. That makes me extremely uncomfortable.

6) I keep talking myself into and out of getting a juicer. There are juice bars everywhere in The Very Big City (except for at my store, dammit! but that's probably for the best), and I'm a sucker for anything with ginger juiced into it. So every time I go out for juice, I decide I want a juicer, but within a few hours I talk myself out of it. I can't help but think how much better it must be to eat whole fruits (and veggies) rather than to just drink their juices. Think how much fiber I'd be missing out on! And how many extra calories I could conceivably consume in a day! Healthy calories, yes, with lots of nutrients, but still. Or would all the yummy delicious juice I could make fill me up enough so that I wouldn't want so much food? And it probably would be a good way to sneak in the greens that I don't eat so many of. Pineapple and ginger and kale, oh my! I just don't know what to do. Help! Does anyone have any insight on this subject?

7) We've had DVR for our cable for almost two years, and Kevin just learned how to use the picture-in-picture function two minutes ago. Really. He's very smart, very well educated, and even cuter than Michael Symon, but he's just not so technologically advanced.

8) I bought ketchup today. I detest ketchup. But Nava Atlas uses it in a lot of her Asian-inspired sauces, so I figured I'd try jumping on the bandwagon.


9)My life really doesn't suck nearly as much as yesterday's entry implied. Yes, the past few days sucked, but in general, life is pretty good. All that sure made for a good story, though, didn't it?  =)

I think it all started Tuesday afternoon, about an hour before I was to leave work for the day. A customer started asking me about shampoo and which brands are the most pure and natural. She knew just enough to be dangerous, and I mean dangerous. She's obviously been looking into natural body care products, and learned just enough to know that some things are good for us and some things are bad for us. But man, oh man… we went around in circles for twenty minutes. She really wanted to buy a brand that shall remain nameless, and has been around for decades, but still has sodium laurel this and isopropyl that, which don't exactly fit what she was asking me for. I tried to steer her to a brand that is full of plant oils and essential oils, but the ingredient list was too long. Waaaahhhh. All the ingredients are about as pure and natural as it gets. There were many open-mouthed stares. There was much near-drooling. We finally found a compromise, and I ran out back to hide until she left. Half an hour later, I emerged from my hiding spot to go home, sure that she had to be gone. But there she was. Right in my path toward the door. Looking for face and body moisturizers. We had the same conversation that we had about the shampoo… for about twenty minutes.  There were many open-mouthed stares. There was much near-drooling. I finally talked her into a couple lotions, and ran before she could kidnap me again. I found out a few minutes later that while I was hiding, a co-worker had been driven crazy by her, too.

Later that evening, Kevin and I had to go to Nowheresville on the west side to pick up a package that UPS had attempted to deliver to us twice -- while we were working, like normal people, because God forbid UPS try to deliver things to people when they might actually be home. I won't go into to much detail, but the customer pick-up system at this particular location doesn't seem very efficient. So I handed my Infonotice to the man sitting at the computer. He scanned the bar code, shook his head, handed me the paper, and said "call this number and give them that number." I called, gave the number, and was told "wah-wah-wah-wah-wah about two minutes." Ummm… OK. Thanks. I sat and waited. And waited. And waited. Thirty-five minutes later, the man at the computer looked at me and said "let me see that again." He scanned the bar code, shook his head, handed me the paper, picked up the phone, didn't speak to anyone, and said "they're not answering. Try calling this number again and giving them that number again." By this time, I am so far from pleased. In this box, wherever it may have been at that point, was Kevin's belated birthday present that I worked very hard to put together and have shipped to him from Maine (thanks again, Rick, for the help!). I was imagining that either they figured out what was in it that I wasn't exactly supposed to be shipping between state lines, or that everything in it (mostly glass!) was smashed to bits and they were trying to figure out how to tell me, or that the driver delivered it to the wrong building (which has happened to us before!). So I called the number, waited a very long time for someone to pick up, and was finally told "that driver just came in. It's on its way down." Huh. I think that's what I was told thirty-five minutes ago. Finally, my name got called, I got the package, and we were on our merry little way home. It was all worth it, thankfully. Kevin was very happy with his gifts.

So Wednesday morning I got to sleep in a little bit. The sun was shining, the weather was gorgeous, and I had to go to work... but I was in a pretty good mood, despite the previous day's events. Just as I started down the steps to the subway platform, I started sneezing. And sneezing. And sneezing. I felt like crap by the time I got to work, and thought I'd be able to leave early, drug myself, and sleep it off. But the store was crazy busy all day and we were fairly short-staffed. So I stuck it out, sore throat, sneezing, achy back and all. Just as I was heading out to go home, a co-worker asked me if I could help a customer. She was looking for something that I have never seen in the year and a half I've been at that store, and she swore that she always buys it there. She ranted and ranted and wanted the name of the buyer so she could call and give him a piece of her mind and would I please call the store down the street to see if they have it before she walks down there on her two broken feet and when I told her they don't have it she said they certainly do she buys it there all the time someone needs to do something about this! I told her please call our manager tomorrow if you have a problem but I have no more answers for you and your feet must be broken because you talked to one person too many this way and that person stomped on and smashed your feet to bits which is what I would do right now if someone else hadn't beaten me to it. OK, so I didn't say that last part. But I would have if I didn't need my job. She was bitchier than eight bitches on a bitch boat (bonus points to anyone who can identify the show I stole that from)! She left, cursing everyone the whole way to the door, and I made yet another escape from retail Hell.

So I walked to the train station to head home. The platform was almost empty, which meant I had just missed a train, but it was rush hour. I knew I wouldn't wait more than about five minutes for another. Oh, how wrong I was. The platform filled as we waited… for twenty-five minutes. Had I walked, I'd have been almost home at this point. So a train finally came… an empty train. How strange. But it stopped. And sat. And never opened its door. And it left. What the f*^k?!? I was just about to leave and walk home when another train came, stopped, and actually opened its doors. Yay! Of course, it was very full, which is very annoying. I noticed that the doors opened on the wrong side at the next couple stops, which meant we weren't on that train's regular track, no matter how many time the conductor said "this is a Queens-bound F train! Stand clear of the closing doors!" Unable to stand it any longer, I got off the train a stop early and walked the extra seven blocks.

By the time I got home, I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry, scream, or just kill the next person who so much as looked at me funny. Instead, I had a veggie burger and some edamame, took lots of vitamin C, zinc, echinachea, and Throat Defense spray, diffused thieves' oil throughout the bedroom, spread sinus oil around my nostrils, and went to bed, looking forward to my "weekend," which is Thursday and Friday. Retail, you know. There are no "normal" hours."

I spent a lot of time waking myself up in the night with all my tossing and turning. I have no idea why. I never sleep very well, but last night was worse than usual. And then, at 7:30 this morning, I was ever-so-rudely awakened by the sound of the toilet flushing. Kevin was sound asleep next to me. As was the cat. We're the only inhabitants to this apartment. For a brief moment, I though we'd been broken into by someone who really had to pee. But then the toilet flushed again. And again. And again. I got brave and got up   to investigate. The toilet was just spontaneously, repeatedly flushing itself. I wiggled the handle a bit, to no avail. So I dragged myself down to the super's apartment, knocked on the door, and got no answer. Went down to the basement  (where supers, in my experience, are wont to hang around) to see if he was there. Found no one. Came back upstairs, dug out the phone list from the management company, and called him. He said he's be up shortly. I went into the bathroom again, pushed the handle all the way down, and the toilet stopped flushing itself. Called back the super and said never mind. Crisis averted.

So by then it was about 7:45 am. I really wanted to go back to bed, but was pretty awake. I decided to catch some news on TV. I turned on the TV, which was frozen in the middle of a male enhancement aid commercial. It's digital cable. These things happen. I tried flipping around, but the cable was just plain out. Which meant we had no TV, no internet, and no phone. Happy times. I dig out my rarely-used cell phone and called the cable company. After talking to several automated assistants and pressing many buttons, I finally found a live person who assured me that 600 customers on my block were without service, and the problem was being worked on. It's not 12:26, and I just looked up at the cable box to see that the clock is right. Apparently the cable came back on a paragraph or two ago. Hooray! I didn't know if I'd get to post this today or in three weeks!

But going back a couple hours, Kevin got up around 10:30. As I lay dramatically splayed on the couch, telling him how crappy I felt and how strange the morning had been, I reached up to scratch the side of my face and somehow managed to jab the inside of my left nostril, resulting in a nosebleed. Happy times. I ran to the kitchen for a paper towel. When I came back into the living room to once again dramatically splay myself across the couch, I banged my knee on the corner of the coffee table. I gave up. I fled to the bedroom, lay down, and buried my head under a pillow. Kevin came in a minute later, looked at me, laughed, and said "you're probably safest this way." I asked what time it was. 10:40. I said "get me up at 11, at which point I shall recommence the day!"

I got up at 11 and managed to survive the shower. And making Kevin a smoothie. And a couple more sneezing fits. But I'm alive, I tell you, aliiiive!!! So far, so good!

We're going to the aquarium now, which involves an hour-long train ride. Wish me luck.